I have a phone and my grandmother has a phone. But, my phone rings more than hers and this makes her mad. Apparently it is a competition to see who can get more phone calls during the day. Not only am I younger and my friends are still alive so they can call me, I am also busy doing things and often need to touch base with people about these things. I babysit and sometimes the child's mother will call. Or my sister confirming plans we have. Or the boys' doctor confirming an appointment. Or just whoever. It doesn't matter who, it only matters that they are not calling to talk to grandma. My phone is an internet phone and if I am on it too much during the day my grandmother will unplug the router. She also does this if I am on the computer too much. I have been looking around the house for my cell phone and when I ask her if she has seen it, she pulls it from her shirt pocket. I have been on that too much and she has hidden it from me. So, if the internet has been disconnected and the cell phone has been hidden, don't even think about calling her house phone and asking for me. This sends her into a rage and she will sigh and fret so loudly on the phone in a labored effort to get it to me. Then she will complain the whole time I am talking as well as some time after I hang up.
Don't call and leave a message with her either. She will either forget you called completely, like she did my dad the other day, or get the message totally distorted. I was going to feed the cat of a friend of mine while she was gone out of town. I was running late to meet her so she called and told my grandma that she was still waiting and would wait until I showed up. When I got home grandma said that my friend had called and said not to worry about the cat, she was already on the road and had found someone else to feed him. I, knowing my grandmother's ability to take messages, called my friend back to find her waiting at her house for me.
The other day my sister was over and doing some work on my computer and as she was finishing up she goes to push the send button on an email she had spent quite a while completing and...nothing happens. The computer is offline. That's right. She had been on there too long according to grandma so the router was unplugged.
I have to admit, at first this was a little irritating. Like right now she just walked in here and rolled her eyes at me after seeing me on the computer. And I know next she will start saying how even though I am here she feels all alone because I never talk to her. I spend all my time on the computer or phone. I don't get upset by this anymore. My family and friends have figured out how and when to call me and I know that if I sat and stared at her all day long she wouldn't remember it ten minutes later.
There is no pleasing this woman who used to be pleased as punch that I called and talked to her for five minutes. Now I live in the same house with her and I can't do anything right. She finds a negative spin on everything and is so unhappy it is sad to watch. But here I am, watching and trying my best to take care of her daily needs as I now know and have accepted I can not take care of her emotional needs.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
It's Been a Rough Week
My grandmother was telling me about the old days and she was remembering when her children were small like mine. She was reminising and happily telling me of what they had and didn't have and how many new things we have now. She said they didn't have much but they sure were happy. And with that thought, she turned and left the room and suddenly broke into song... I stopped and looked around and watched her walk down the hallway singing her little heart out. I had to laugh to myself and suddenly felt I was living in a musical or something. Like grandma gave her last thought and then the band started up and off she went, singing away. It was hysterical! The boys loved it too. They love the old songs she comes up with and she has been teaching them some of them. 'Someone's in the Kitchen with Dina' is my oldest son's favorite!
This past week I have been babysitting my nephew since he has been on summer break from school. There has been some extra noise in the house and some added stress on grandma because he is one more kid for her to tell how to play. And then Miss Kitty died. She was the stray cat grandma and I rescued more than a decade ago. We woke up the other morning and she lay there in the front yard and wasn't breathing. This has been very stressful for grandma. She can't get the details straight on when the cat died and she tells a random story to people that is completely NOT true. And then, Friday night, after this stressful week, grandma asks me how many kids do I have? The four of us, grandma, the boys and myself, were all seated around the table eating our dinner and she asks me how many kids are mine? I looked up and she was completely serious. It was sad. I told her these two are mine and that is all I have. She said she thought that was true but was also thinking I had a third...my nephew. I told her no, he actually belongs to my sister. I comforted her with the fact that I had been babysitting him a lot this week and she probably just got confused because he had been here so much.
She is getting worse.
I was watching her during dinner one night this week and she has started looking really old. She is looking more feeble. She stumbles more when she walks, her memory is getting worse. She loses things immediately now. I ran an errand and was gone for ten minutes and she was completely paniced when I got home. She had forgotten where I had gone and was thinking I had been gone all night and she hadn't taken her medication. The pills were out on the bar and she had already taken them. I had been home all evening and told her I was running to my parents' house but she had gotten completely confused in the few minutes I was gone.
She is getting worse...
This past week I have been babysitting my nephew since he has been on summer break from school. There has been some extra noise in the house and some added stress on grandma because he is one more kid for her to tell how to play. And then Miss Kitty died. She was the stray cat grandma and I rescued more than a decade ago. We woke up the other morning and she lay there in the front yard and wasn't breathing. This has been very stressful for grandma. She can't get the details straight on when the cat died and she tells a random story to people that is completely NOT true. And then, Friday night, after this stressful week, grandma asks me how many kids do I have? The four of us, grandma, the boys and myself, were all seated around the table eating our dinner and she asks me how many kids are mine? I looked up and she was completely serious. It was sad. I told her these two are mine and that is all I have. She said she thought that was true but was also thinking I had a third...my nephew. I told her no, he actually belongs to my sister. I comforted her with the fact that I had been babysitting him a lot this week and she probably just got confused because he had been here so much.
She is getting worse.
I was watching her during dinner one night this week and she has started looking really old. She is looking more feeble. She stumbles more when she walks, her memory is getting worse. She loses things immediately now. I ran an errand and was gone for ten minutes and she was completely paniced when I got home. She had forgotten where I had gone and was thinking I had been gone all night and she hadn't taken her medication. The pills were out on the bar and she had already taken them. I had been home all evening and told her I was running to my parents' house but she had gotten completely confused in the few minutes I was gone.
She is getting worse...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A Little Funny
My grandmother and I have a garden this year. It is my first garden so I am really excited but also a little unsure of myself. I am relying on my family to help me figure this out. The other day I was working in the garden and when I came in and grandma is all worked up because we need a double shovel plow or else the garden will not do well. She stayed on this topic for a couple of days so I mentioned it to my mom, what is a double plow shovel and where would I find one? She laughed and told me I would first need to get a donkey to pull it! Apparently that is the plow grandma would use when she was a girl and that is what she was remembering that week! We are still laughing about it.
My grandmother has a cat, Ms. Kitty. It was a stray we found years ago. Grandma feeds her twice a day...morning and evening. But, lately she can't keep it straight whether or not she fed her. I will walk by the patio door and see Ms. Kitty's face pressed up against the glass. I always ask grandma if she fed her and she always says yes. I secretly go out and feed her "more" and she just devours it! Because grandma is getting all the other times she fed Ms. Kitty confused. Another thing she does is feeds her every couple of hours and gripes that she doesn't eat..."the neighbors must be feeding her." I giggle to myself. The reality is that no cat could eat that much! So, grandma will go and pick up Ms. Kitty's food "so the other animals don't eat it," forget she did, and next thing you know, Ms. Kitty is starving again and can't find her food bowl. Poor cat!
Last night grandma and I were watching Pawn Stars and a commercial came on advertising a restaraunt. The commercial had a couple in it having a very romantic dinner and she immediately goes to turn the television off in a huff because of the filth they put on there. She does not want to watch "that sex stuff." Before she can locate the remote the people start eating their dinner and she calms down. Then, this morning I wake up and find her watching a Jerry Springer-like show about a father molesting his young daughter. They are talking about all the horrible things he did to her and how much porn he watched and this she is watching intently. What?!? Then, after the show is over and the lie-detector test results come back to confirm this man is a monster, she looks at me and says "there is no difference in a father changing his daugher's clothes than a mother changing her son's clothes." I am speechless to find she got NOTHING out of that program. She thought the mom was just mad that the father would dress the daughter. The night before she wouldn't watch a commercial with a man and woman kissing and this morning she is tuned into this show where they are bleeping out words and throwing things at each other!
Sometimes it helps to just take a step back and laugh about some things...
My grandmother has a cat, Ms. Kitty. It was a stray we found years ago. Grandma feeds her twice a day...morning and evening. But, lately she can't keep it straight whether or not she fed her. I will walk by the patio door and see Ms. Kitty's face pressed up against the glass. I always ask grandma if she fed her and she always says yes. I secretly go out and feed her "more" and she just devours it! Because grandma is getting all the other times she fed Ms. Kitty confused. Another thing she does is feeds her every couple of hours and gripes that she doesn't eat..."the neighbors must be feeding her." I giggle to myself. The reality is that no cat could eat that much! So, grandma will go and pick up Ms. Kitty's food "so the other animals don't eat it," forget she did, and next thing you know, Ms. Kitty is starving again and can't find her food bowl. Poor cat!
Last night grandma and I were watching Pawn Stars and a commercial came on advertising a restaraunt. The commercial had a couple in it having a very romantic dinner and she immediately goes to turn the television off in a huff because of the filth they put on there. She does not want to watch "that sex stuff." Before she can locate the remote the people start eating their dinner and she calms down. Then, this morning I wake up and find her watching a Jerry Springer-like show about a father molesting his young daughter. They are talking about all the horrible things he did to her and how much porn he watched and this she is watching intently. What?!? Then, after the show is over and the lie-detector test results come back to confirm this man is a monster, she looks at me and says "there is no difference in a father changing his daugher's clothes than a mother changing her son's clothes." I am speechless to find she got NOTHING out of that program. She thought the mom was just mad that the father would dress the daughter. The night before she wouldn't watch a commercial with a man and woman kissing and this morning she is tuned into this show where they are bleeping out words and throwing things at each other!
Sometimes it helps to just take a step back and laugh about some things...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
It's Me Against the World
Well, the breakthrough we had and the good day is now over. Today we had a birthday party to attend at lunch time. So, we get up (late because the one year old had a bad night) and eat breakfast and hang out around the house. As soon as I start getting ready she asks, again, where we are going today and I remind her of the birthday party. This is something she is obviously not invited to as it was for my college friend's two year old. She gets mad that I am not inviting her, but I don't, and she starts ragging on the party about how the boys don't really want to go to that and we are all the time leaving the house and we never stay around to hang with her. This she says today after I have been at home the last two days only leaving to pick my nephew up from school. I just blow off her fit and continue to get ready and leave the house anyway, not inviting her to come.
We return to the house a few hours later, hang out, get a snack and then we are off to the library. About an hour later we are back at the house and I begin cooking dinner. We have a nice dinner and go on the patio to eat when all of a sudden both boys decide they do not want to eat anything! I try my best to get them both to eat and make no progress, so grandma steps in...
First of all, you should know that I give my children drinks. That's right...milk is consumed with every meal and juice or water at snack times. And, brace yourself for this, if they get thirsty during the day...I give them something to drink then too. This is all VERY outrageous to my grandmother. She HATES that the boys drink so much. She reminds me of the days she worked in the field all day and only got one drink of water when she would return to the house for dinner. Now, sometimes her and her sister would sneek off to the creek to get a drink, but that was just what they would tell their father so he would give them a break and they would go splash around a cool off in the water. She tells me repeatedly that she has NEVER felt thirsty in her life. She gets visibly upset that I give my children drinks all day long. I have even caught her taking my son's cup out of his mouth mid-drink. Every time she says this I just say that our bodies are made up mostly of water and it is very important not to get dehydrated. She counters with she has raised four kids herself and they all turned out fine. My next line is, "well, this is the way I do it..."
So tonight my parenting skills, and patience, were once again tested when my boys refused their dinner. If it would have been chicken nuggets and french fries they would have been all over it, but instead they got broccoli and squash. Vegetables, OH NO!!! So I gave them the ultimatedum...eat dinner or bath and bed. They chose bath and bed. There were some cries, moans and some foot stomping, but in the end they were both bathed and placed in their beds. Now, I almost forgot...on our way from the bathroom to the bedroom she is waiting for me, with her hands behind her back and her most solemn face, and says she needs to talk to me as soon as I can. So I get the boys put in their beds and explain, once more why they are there, and go to find her in the kitchen. Where she starts in that this whole incident was partly, if not entirely, my fault.
This is awesome! I would recommend to anyone reading this, that if you know anyone who is a newly single parent of two small children, please find them in their most vulnerable state and tell them what a horrible parent they are...really boosts their self esteem.
You see, it was all my fault because I got them out of the house early and kept them out all day eating whatever we could find and drinking ALL day, whatever they wanted. No, we went out for lunch and ate pizza at lunch time and drank water. Then, we returned home for a snack, made a quick library/farmer's market run and were back home again for dinner. No, no, no she was all wrong. It all boils down to the fact that she was mad that we left her this morning and didn't invite her to join us for the two year old's party. She continues that what I really need to do is take away the drinks, then they would get hungry. She would like it if we didn't drink anything AT ALL. I don't understand this, but it has been a fight from the first day we moved in five months ago. She continues further by informing me I am guiding my children down a hard road...by giving them drinks and taking them to town...and the end result will be all my fault. Way to kick me when I'm down.
I should mention that I do NOT enjoy putting my kids to bed early. It is not like I just woke up one day and decided I was tired of kicking my dog and decided to have a child, much less two, that I could sit back and think of ways to torture them...put them to bed early and take away their priviledges of staying up to watch the Thomas the train movie we checked out from the library. But sometimes I think this is exactly what grandma thinks of me.
After she drops the bomb of what a lowsy mother I am, I decide to go water the garden. Both boys are hanging out quietly in their beds, so I excuse myself and go outside. I get about half way done watering the garden when my three year old knocks on the patio door and waves very happily at me. I finish up the watering and come back in the house to find the three year old up with a juice box and the one year old playing hide and seek with grandma and the curtain on the patio door. I tell my oldest to go get in bed and then turn to my very satisfied grandmother. I ask her how the one year old got out of his crib and she laughs and says, " he may have had a little help. Besides they are boys and they need some time to play after I had them in town all day." My blood pressure starts to rise. I ask her why she got them up and she tells me it was too early to put them down...IT WAS 8 O'CLOCK!!! By the way she was carrying on, you would have thought it was like four in the afternoon! Not to mention the birthday party was at Chuck E Cheese's...where a kid can a kid!!!
I decided it was time to take her to the mat. I tried my best to explain to her that just because she didn't agree with me she did not have the right to wait until my back was turned and go get the boys out of their beds. And yes, I checked with my three year old who totally ratted her out. I have to admit, my blood pressure was not the only thing on the rise. I know you are to respect your elders and I have never, to this day, yelled at my grandmother, but today I did raise my voice just a little. I HAD to let her know I was serious. She just said OK and stared out the patio door.
A few minutes later she joined me in the living room, where I was rocking my one year old to sleep and reading a book. She interrupts my reading to tell me how her children never even cried. My little one was whimpering and whining just on the verge of sleep and not wanting to give in...her's never did anything like that. They were all four very quiet and never cried and never got in trouble. She is just not sure what I am doing to make mine turn out this way.
Then she picks up her Bible and begins to read. I just nod and agree. My same old routine when she is in one of her moods...agree with everything. Well, maybe tomorrow will be better...
We return to the house a few hours later, hang out, get a snack and then we are off to the library. About an hour later we are back at the house and I begin cooking dinner. We have a nice dinner and go on the patio to eat when all of a sudden both boys decide they do not want to eat anything! I try my best to get them both to eat and make no progress, so grandma steps in...
First of all, you should know that I give my children drinks. That's right...milk is consumed with every meal and juice or water at snack times. And, brace yourself for this, if they get thirsty during the day...I give them something to drink then too. This is all VERY outrageous to my grandmother. She HATES that the boys drink so much. She reminds me of the days she worked in the field all day and only got one drink of water when she would return to the house for dinner. Now, sometimes her and her sister would sneek off to the creek to get a drink, but that was just what they would tell their father so he would give them a break and they would go splash around a cool off in the water. She tells me repeatedly that she has NEVER felt thirsty in her life. She gets visibly upset that I give my children drinks all day long. I have even caught her taking my son's cup out of his mouth mid-drink. Every time she says this I just say that our bodies are made up mostly of water and it is very important not to get dehydrated. She counters with she has raised four kids herself and they all turned out fine. My next line is, "well, this is the way I do it..."
So tonight my parenting skills, and patience, were once again tested when my boys refused their dinner. If it would have been chicken nuggets and french fries they would have been all over it, but instead they got broccoli and squash. Vegetables, OH NO!!! So I gave them the ultimatedum...eat dinner or bath and bed. They chose bath and bed. There were some cries, moans and some foot stomping, but in the end they were both bathed and placed in their beds. Now, I almost forgot...on our way from the bathroom to the bedroom she is waiting for me, with her hands behind her back and her most solemn face, and says she needs to talk to me as soon as I can. So I get the boys put in their beds and explain, once more why they are there, and go to find her in the kitchen. Where she starts in that this whole incident was partly, if not entirely, my fault.
This is awesome! I would recommend to anyone reading this, that if you know anyone who is a newly single parent of two small children, please find them in their most vulnerable state and tell them what a horrible parent they are...really boosts their self esteem.
You see, it was all my fault because I got them out of the house early and kept them out all day eating whatever we could find and drinking ALL day, whatever they wanted. No, we went out for lunch and ate pizza at lunch time and drank water. Then, we returned home for a snack, made a quick library/farmer's market run and were back home again for dinner. No, no, no she was all wrong. It all boils down to the fact that she was mad that we left her this morning and didn't invite her to join us for the two year old's party. She continues that what I really need to do is take away the drinks, then they would get hungry. She would like it if we didn't drink anything AT ALL. I don't understand this, but it has been a fight from the first day we moved in five months ago. She continues further by informing me I am guiding my children down a hard road...by giving them drinks and taking them to town...and the end result will be all my fault. Way to kick me when I'm down.
I should mention that I do NOT enjoy putting my kids to bed early. It is not like I just woke up one day and decided I was tired of kicking my dog and decided to have a child, much less two, that I could sit back and think of ways to torture them...put them to bed early and take away their priviledges of staying up to watch the Thomas the train movie we checked out from the library. But sometimes I think this is exactly what grandma thinks of me.
After she drops the bomb of what a lowsy mother I am, I decide to go water the garden. Both boys are hanging out quietly in their beds, so I excuse myself and go outside. I get about half way done watering the garden when my three year old knocks on the patio door and waves very happily at me. I finish up the watering and come back in the house to find the three year old up with a juice box and the one year old playing hide and seek with grandma and the curtain on the patio door. I tell my oldest to go get in bed and then turn to my very satisfied grandmother. I ask her how the one year old got out of his crib and she laughs and says, " he may have had a little help. Besides they are boys and they need some time to play after I had them in town all day." My blood pressure starts to rise. I ask her why she got them up and she tells me it was too early to put them down...IT WAS 8 O'CLOCK!!! By the way she was carrying on, you would have thought it was like four in the afternoon! Not to mention the birthday party was at Chuck E Cheese's...where a kid can a kid!!!
I decided it was time to take her to the mat. I tried my best to explain to her that just because she didn't agree with me she did not have the right to wait until my back was turned and go get the boys out of their beds. And yes, I checked with my three year old who totally ratted her out. I have to admit, my blood pressure was not the only thing on the rise. I know you are to respect your elders and I have never, to this day, yelled at my grandmother, but today I did raise my voice just a little. I HAD to let her know I was serious. She just said OK and stared out the patio door.
A few minutes later she joined me in the living room, where I was rocking my one year old to sleep and reading a book. She interrupts my reading to tell me how her children never even cried. My little one was whimpering and whining just on the verge of sleep and not wanting to give in...her's never did anything like that. They were all four very quiet and never cried and never got in trouble. She is just not sure what I am doing to make mine turn out this way.
Then she picks up her Bible and begins to read. I just nod and agree. My same old routine when she is in one of her moods...agree with everything. Well, maybe tomorrow will be better...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The mumbler...
Grandma talks ALL the time. Sometimes it seems that she never stops talking. I know this is not true and she does actually take breaks from her talking and, oh, the mumbling. But when I am in the moment, it seems like she can't stop. Today, the boys were down for a nap and the younger one wakes up first. He immediately gets up and goes to his older brother who is sleeping in the chair and starts poking him in the face to try to wake him. Grandma got such a kick out of this, it was really cute. But then she started with the talking..laughing and telling the one year old how he should just hit that brother on his head and wake him up, he'd been sleeping long enough. Apparently the universal rule of never wake a sleeping child has also escaped her mind. But seriously, this is not a big deal, just a little annoying. The laughing and carrying on while I am trying my best to keep little brother from waking up big brother. Then I started listening to her and at one point she starts counting, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, etc. It was almost like she wanted to be the one talking and to keep the conversation going she resorted to counting. It was beyond strange, but I didn't say anything.
Also, she likes to talk for the little kids. I sometimes babysit the kid of a friend of mine and she can't talk very well yet. So grandma talks for her, and my one year old, and for my three year old but he just corrects her saying, "no grandma, I didn't say that" and she stops. If a baby cries she begins with, "oh mommy I need to be picked up" or "oh mommy, pay attention to me and not big brother," etc. These things may not seem like a big deal but imagine if you heard them all day every day. And imagine that you have three or four people depending solely on you to feed and take care of them. You have a plan of action for meal-time or whatever you are doing. But, you are constantly interrupted with these little one-liners grandma MUST add. Say you are draining the boiling pasta for the mac and cheese and you really can't do that with a baby on your hip. So the baby is crying because it's hungry and you are rushing to get lunch ready and all you can hear is, "pick me up mommy, pick me up. Don't neglecgt me mommy, please pick me up." Then she adds, "why don't you let me do that so you can hold the baby." Yes, that is what I need...help. Unfortunately grandma can't cook because she loses her train of thought. So, the only solution I have come up with is to ignore her or throw at her the old, "he's fine, I'll get him in just a second."
The mumbling is equally frusterating because this is done when she does not approve of something I am doing. Not only does she like to monitor the way the kids play, she also likes to monitor the way I do laundry, dishes, driving, what I eat and how much, what I drink...you name it, she has an opinion about it and she insists on sharing it. Often under her breath..."going back for seconds? Hmmph." And I can't go without mentioning the "kids didn't act like that in my day." And all these things are mentioned under her breath. The best part is, my three year old doesn't miss a beat and he often comes in and tells all the things grandma is saying. She gets flustered that he is tatteling on her and we do end up having a laugh over that. There is definitely humor here and I am glad that we can find it.
Sometimes I miss my grandma. We used to banter back and forth and give each other a hard time, but no longer. She mumbles and grumbles and I agree with everything she says as not to set her off. Yep, I really miss my grandma and all the laughs and good times we had.
Also, she likes to talk for the little kids. I sometimes babysit the kid of a friend of mine and she can't talk very well yet. So grandma talks for her, and my one year old, and for my three year old but he just corrects her saying, "no grandma, I didn't say that" and she stops. If a baby cries she begins with, "oh mommy I need to be picked up" or "oh mommy, pay attention to me and not big brother," etc. These things may not seem like a big deal but imagine if you heard them all day every day. And imagine that you have three or four people depending solely on you to feed and take care of them. You have a plan of action for meal-time or whatever you are doing. But, you are constantly interrupted with these little one-liners grandma MUST add. Say you are draining the boiling pasta for the mac and cheese and you really can't do that with a baby on your hip. So the baby is crying because it's hungry and you are rushing to get lunch ready and all you can hear is, "pick me up mommy, pick me up. Don't neglecgt me mommy, please pick me up." Then she adds, "why don't you let me do that so you can hold the baby." Yes, that is what I need...help. Unfortunately grandma can't cook because she loses her train of thought. So, the only solution I have come up with is to ignore her or throw at her the old, "he's fine, I'll get him in just a second."
The mumbling is equally frusterating because this is done when she does not approve of something I am doing. Not only does she like to monitor the way the kids play, she also likes to monitor the way I do laundry, dishes, driving, what I eat and how much, what I drink...you name it, she has an opinion about it and she insists on sharing it. Often under her breath..."going back for seconds? Hmmph." And I can't go without mentioning the "kids didn't act like that in my day." And all these things are mentioned under her breath. The best part is, my three year old doesn't miss a beat and he often comes in and tells all the things grandma is saying. She gets flustered that he is tatteling on her and we do end up having a laugh over that. There is definitely humor here and I am glad that we can find it.
Sometimes I miss my grandma. We used to banter back and forth and give each other a hard time, but no longer. She mumbles and grumbles and I agree with everything she says as not to set her off. Yep, I really miss my grandma and all the laughs and good times we had.
Monday, June 6, 2011
My Three Kids?!?
I've been noticing some behavior issues coming from my three year old when dealing with grandma. I finally put my finger on it today...he reacts to her the same as he reacts to my six year old nephew. My nephew, as all older children do, tries to tell my three year old what do. You know, be the boss of him. My son pays no attention to him at all and continues doing exactly what he wants. Even if my nephew is right and he really should listen to him, he just goes on with his business as if my nephew is not even there. That is acceptable behavior for a three year old to have toward a six year old, but not so much toward an eighty-six year old. This is my new hurdle. Even though my grandmother acts like a child, she can not be treated as one. I am working my hardest to make my little boy understand this. It is a working progress for sure.
Last night, for example, we get home from the store and come in from watering the garden and it is pretty late. Right around bedtime. The boys are both tired and hanging on my a thread to any decent behavior they have left in them. So what does grandma do??? As soon as we come in she starts in on them to play with her and gets them completely riled up. They are wrestling with her and each other and throwing balls and catching balls and then throwing all kinds of things. I feel bad getting onto her ALL the time about how she enteracts with them. She gets defensive and says that I won't even let her play with them. She doesn't seem to understand the time of day and their mood. She wants to play with them when she wants to play and they have to play her way. So, I leave the room only to be called back into the living room where grandma is sitting in her chair waiting for me...and she's mad. Apparently one of the boys had hurt her feelings along with her leg where he kicked during their wrestling match. She pointed to all the spots he kicked when he took their wrestling match to the next level and she didn't want to. So basically, she encourages him to play and then gets mad when he doesn't do it exactly her way. And then she tattles.
Oh, but it doesn't end there. The other day my nephew was quietly playing trains in the floor while the little kids napped. She got up and started moving his trains and carrying them off. He, of course, gets mad and she begins to yell about how he is playing all wrong...he should be on the rug, not on the carpet. I stepped in and reminded her to be quiet and that my nephew was fine because "at least he's quiet...let's not bother him." To which she responds with, "yeah he's fine, he's just not playing like I want him to. I really want him on that rug." My response is an internal ugh!
She is clearly acting like a child but demands to be treated like an adult. She continues to remind me that she has raised four children herself and she doesn't know why I don't trust her. I am somehow neglecting her in her mind. The thing is, I don't trust her. I turn my back for a minute and go to the bathroom or something and when I come out her and the boys are outside. The other day she had my nephew, age six, and my two boys, age three and one, in the road when I came out of the bathroom. They were getting the mail, but the road is very busy and I don't allow the boys to go to the road. When my back turns, my rules go out the window and she feels in charge and suddenly decides to do something radical.
Sometimes this woman really tests my patience. But then she tells me how much she loves having the boys here and how good they make her feel when they snuggle up to her and tell her they love her, and my heart melts. I am once again so, so thankful we are able to be here with her to take care of her. She must feel so alone living in this messed up world this horrible disease has given her.
Last night, for example, we get home from the store and come in from watering the garden and it is pretty late. Right around bedtime. The boys are both tired and hanging on my a thread to any decent behavior they have left in them. So what does grandma do??? As soon as we come in she starts in on them to play with her and gets them completely riled up. They are wrestling with her and each other and throwing balls and catching balls and then throwing all kinds of things. I feel bad getting onto her ALL the time about how she enteracts with them. She gets defensive and says that I won't even let her play with them. She doesn't seem to understand the time of day and their mood. She wants to play with them when she wants to play and they have to play her way. So, I leave the room only to be called back into the living room where grandma is sitting in her chair waiting for me...and she's mad. Apparently one of the boys had hurt her feelings along with her leg where he kicked during their wrestling match. She pointed to all the spots he kicked when he took their wrestling match to the next level and she didn't want to. So basically, she encourages him to play and then gets mad when he doesn't do it exactly her way. And then she tattles.
Oh, but it doesn't end there. The other day my nephew was quietly playing trains in the floor while the little kids napped. She got up and started moving his trains and carrying them off. He, of course, gets mad and she begins to yell about how he is playing all wrong...he should be on the rug, not on the carpet. I stepped in and reminded her to be quiet and that my nephew was fine because "at least he's quiet...let's not bother him." To which she responds with, "yeah he's fine, he's just not playing like I want him to. I really want him on that rug." My response is an internal ugh!
She is clearly acting like a child but demands to be treated like an adult. She continues to remind me that she has raised four children herself and she doesn't know why I don't trust her. I am somehow neglecting her in her mind. The thing is, I don't trust her. I turn my back for a minute and go to the bathroom or something and when I come out her and the boys are outside. The other day she had my nephew, age six, and my two boys, age three and one, in the road when I came out of the bathroom. They were getting the mail, but the road is very busy and I don't allow the boys to go to the road. When my back turns, my rules go out the window and she feels in charge and suddenly decides to do something radical.
Sometimes this woman really tests my patience. But then she tells me how much she loves having the boys here and how good they make her feel when they snuggle up to her and tell her they love her, and my heart melts. I am once again so, so thankful we are able to be here with her to take care of her. She must feel so alone living in this messed up world this horrible disease has given her.
The Medicine Cabinet
Tonight I feel like we had a break-through. A month or so ago my grandmother went from taking her medications on her own to suddenly taking a couple of days worth at a time. She used to walk by her pill box and check to see if there were pills in the slot. If the pills were there she would take them, if the pills were not there she would know/assume she had taken them and forget about it. Then one day she went to check the pill box and saw the pills were not there. Suddenly, instead of thinking she had already taken the pills she decided to take more. She was taking the morning pills for Tuesday on Monday night, or Wednesday and Thursday's pills within an hour or so of each other. I would leave the house after dinner, after I had made sure she had taken her pills, and when I returned to the house the pill box would be out on the counter or the medicine cabinet open and all the pills would be in disarray. I decided I would give her the pills one dose at a time. I got some little bowls and put her morning pills in them the night before. I give her her pills at dinner, but if I am going to be gone for dinner I will leave her evening pills on the counter. I have delayed locking the medicine cabinet because I hate to set her off. The fewer the arguments we have, the better. But, the last couple days I have left the house after dinner and she has been overdosing on her meds...again.
Okay, now for the break-through...
I went to the store after dinner and when I came back home I found the pills were once again out on the counter. So, I inquired about it and asked if she had taken more pills and she responded with "only the ones I am supposed to have." I tried my best to remind her that she had taken her pills already and she did not believe me. Then she suggested I just stay away from her pills and let her handle them herself. I have to say, this irritated me quite a bit. I reminded her of overdosing last time she was left to taking her pills by herself. So, this is the good part, she sat quietly and read for maybe ten minutes and then she told me..."maybe I should just stay away from the pills and not worry about them anymore. If I am wondering if I took them I will just ask you." CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! She actually volunteered to let me be in charge of something!!! I couldn't believe it. I agreed with her and reassured her that I would NEVER let her go without taking them. She went back to reading and that was that.
Okay, now for the break-through...
I went to the store after dinner and when I came back home I found the pills were once again out on the counter. So, I inquired about it and asked if she had taken more pills and she responded with "only the ones I am supposed to have." I tried my best to remind her that she had taken her pills already and she did not believe me. Then she suggested I just stay away from her pills and let her handle them herself. I have to say, this irritated me quite a bit. I reminded her of overdosing last time she was left to taking her pills by herself. So, this is the good part, she sat quietly and read for maybe ten minutes and then she told me..."maybe I should just stay away from the pills and not worry about them anymore. If I am wondering if I took them I will just ask you." CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! She actually volunteered to let me be in charge of something!!! I couldn't believe it. I agreed with her and reassured her that I would NEVER let her go without taking them. She went back to reading and that was that.
Friday, June 3, 2011
My Life is on Repeat
Watching my grandmother's alzheimer's progress is hard and it is something I do daily. The new thing this week is I am now actually having to repeat about everything. She can't keep up with our daily tasks. Unlike some people my daily activities are not the same. I change my plans and can go or do something on a whim and my poor grandmother can not keep up. So I am trying to wake up in the morning and tell her all the things I plan on doing each day. The problem is, she can't remember.
For example, I make plans to go to my parent's house for dinner. All day long I plan on this and I mention it to her in general conversation, "now don't forget we are going to dinner and my parent's house tonight" and she agrees. Then, the boys and I start getting ready and I get the car loaded and she is still sitting there in her chair. I ask her if she needs to get ready to go and she has no idea where we are going. She responds with "you should tell me what your plans are earlier instead of right when you are ready to walk out the door." For awhile I would just agree with her, but this week I started telling her the truth, that I have been telling her all day.
The other thing she is having problems with is she likes to know where I am going and everyone else in my family. She asks if my mother is working today, if my nephew is in school today, etc. And she asks me over and over again. This morning my mother dropped off my neice for me to babysit today because my sister left early this morning to attend a business conference a few hours away. We began talking about this plan yesterday and my sister and I solidified the details. My grandmother was all questions trying to figure out our plans, and help us things out. Then, this morning, my neice shows up here at the house on time and as planned and my grandmother acts as if she never heard a thing about me babysitting. So, again this morning I go over everything I had planned today. Over and over it again knowing she will not remember.
For example, I make plans to go to my parent's house for dinner. All day long I plan on this and I mention it to her in general conversation, "now don't forget we are going to dinner and my parent's house tonight" and she agrees. Then, the boys and I start getting ready and I get the car loaded and she is still sitting there in her chair. I ask her if she needs to get ready to go and she has no idea where we are going. She responds with "you should tell me what your plans are earlier instead of right when you are ready to walk out the door." For awhile I would just agree with her, but this week I started telling her the truth, that I have been telling her all day.
The other thing she is having problems with is she likes to know where I am going and everyone else in my family. She asks if my mother is working today, if my nephew is in school today, etc. And she asks me over and over again. This morning my mother dropped off my neice for me to babysit today because my sister left early this morning to attend a business conference a few hours away. We began talking about this plan yesterday and my sister and I solidified the details. My grandmother was all questions trying to figure out our plans, and help us things out. Then, this morning, my neice shows up here at the house on time and as planned and my grandmother acts as if she never heard a thing about me babysitting. So, again this morning I go over everything I had planned today. Over and over it again knowing she will not remember.
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