A Bad Day

Okay, so today was a bad day.  It started early and didn't end.  This post could very well be a gripe session for me...so, if you don't want to hear someone else gripe, this is not the place for you.  Today was a day filled with my grandmother doing things, random things, all day long and then I would have to go along and pick up behind her.  For example, my one year old picked up his shoes and wanted them on, so grandma sits him down and puts them on.  Not a big deal except I had just mentioned that I didn't want him wearing them.  So, I have to stop what I am doing and go take the shoes off.  He screams.  Then, I gather up my stuff to take a shower and here comes my one year old, again wearing his shoes.  So I once again take them off and remind everyone that he is not to wear them (they were covered in mud, fyi).  He screams.  So, I decide to step out to feed the dogs before I take my shower and tell everyone that the one year old can not come outside right now.  I proceed to feed the dogs and as I am coming back toward the door, here comes the one year old out the door with help from grandmother...WEARING THE SHOES!!!  So, three times I take these shoes off this little boy.  Three times I state that this little boy should not be wearing the shoes.  Yet, three times my grandmother puts the shoes on this little boy.  And three times he screams out angry with me for being the bad guy.  UGH!  This all happens first thing this morning within about 15 minutes. 

My day went down hill after that.  I spent the rest of the day going along behind my grandmother picking up and fixing, what I felt like, everything she touched.  Now I know I am overstating this but after the day I've had, I deserve it.  I unload the groceries and I leave the items for tonight's dinner out on the bar.  I leave the house for two hours and sure enough, I have to search for these items before I can prepare dinner.  She worked herself to death while I was gone putting everything away that I left out.  The only thing is, she does not remember where anything goes.  UGH!  Then, I don't make dinner fast enough and she is hungry.  Then, I go to put away the dishes and find the cabinets in disarray because grandma puts things away even though she has no idea where anything goes.  She just opens a cabinet and puts it in. And don't forget that while I am trying to fix all the things she has done, my two boys are running around, crying, laughing, and needing my attention too.  So basically, I am about ready to pull out my hair.  Do I cry, do I laugh?!? 

I decided to laugh.  You see, when I came home from grocery shopping, oh I'm sorry "running around town," grandma was complaining about there being nothing on television except the weather.  I just shrugged it off and later noticed she was watching The Weather Channel.  I didn't mention anything to her and just giggled to myself.  It's the little things that keep me going. 

After a day like today I find myself feeling alone.  I am alone and having to take care of everything.  I have to take care of my boys, take care of grandma, take care of the house, and, oh yeah, take care of myself.  Today I find myself feeling like my grandmother is burden.  She has to sense the way I feel.  I hate that I feel this way and that she probably senses it.  She was telling me today how alone she feels and unwanted.  I have to figure out what to say to her and how to make her feel better when the reality is no one hardly invites her anywhere or calls and talks for any length of time.  And when people do, she forgets about it and feels alone and unwanted.  This is what I have to bear.  Between her and boys and just life in general, I am exhausted at the end of the day. 

I am thinking of taking a trip to visit a friend in a couple of weeks.  Then the question arises of who will take care of grandma?  I don't want to put anyone out so I consider not going.  What is the right decision?  Deep down I feel that my grandmother is now my responsiblity.  Leaving town would require getting a "baby-sitter" just like I would for one of my children.  After having a "bad" day I just think I should cancel my plans and not bother anyone else.  Then again, after having a "bad" day I think I could really use a break.  I hate having these thoughts and pray for patience.  Today was a bad day.  Will tomorrow be better?  Who will I wake up to in the morning?